Overwhelm, Perfectionism, And Being Real
I’m going to admit something that feels both brave and slightly annoying to say out loud: I’m a perfectionist.
…but only kind of…
Because here’s the truth I don’t see talked about enough — being neurodivergent means staying on top of everything doesn’t come easily, no matter how much you care or how hard you try. I am deeply committed to being organized. I meticulously plan. I just don’t always execute the way my brain thinks I should.
Enter my personal millennial chaos command center:
One Google Task List — color-coded chaos in digital form
Two Paper Calendars — a wall calendar for life’s big drama and a 3-ring planner for the micro-moments I’ll forget otherwise
Two Google Calendars — because one is never enough when juggling everything
Two journals — one for dreams (yes, even the weird ones) and one for real life (tracking survival, basically)
Is it excessive? Absolutely. Is it necessary? Also absolutely.
I plan. I prep. I list. I re-list. And most of the time, this system works. Until it doesn’t.
Because sometimes I’m too tired. And sometimes I’m sick.
And apparently, every January, my body decides to stage a full rebellion.
I am currently sick. And I have been sick every January for as long as I can remember.
(Okay — realistically I can only remember the last three Januarys, but still.
The pattern stands.)
This past weekend, I felt it creeping in while I was at work on Saturday. You know the feeling — the slight heaviness, the “uh-oh” in your bones. I got home, and promptly died. I’ve been in bed since 6pm Saturday night, and somehow today I feel worse than I did then. Rude.
But here’s the thing I’m slowly, begrudgingly learning: when I get sick, it’s my mind forcing me to slow down and calm down.
And slowing down is not my strong suit.
Since opening my business in November — and while still finishing my Soul Level Animal Communication certification — rest feels… optional. Like a luxury I haven’t quite earned yet. I’m navigating a world I genuinely never thought I’d be in (hello, small business owner land), while also still navigating marriage (six plus years!), parenthood (to our 3 cats) a semi-new job (since September), and the very real grief of leaving what I thought would be my forever career all the way back in the summer of 2024 (hello burnout; goodbye veterinary social work).
And let’s not forget the background noise of whatever the hell America is right now.
So yes — slowing down is hard.
Even though I recently slept for approximately eight business days, my nervous system still needed and needs more intentional care. Not productivity. Not catching up. Care.
So what did that look like?
Honestly?
Listening to audiobooks (yes, I started Anne of Green Gables — don’t judge). Finding a new binge-worthy distraction (hello Love & Death and The Following — so good!). Hydrating like my life depended on it (snaps to THIS girl’s emotional support water bottle). And remembering to take my glasses off before falling asleep (Usually, at least).
I’m due back at work tomorrow, and I can’t help but wonder how I’ll feel in about 14 hours when my alarm goes off.
Hopefully better. Hopefully not worse.
But regardless of how tomorrow goes, this is the reminder I want to leave you with:
Whether you’re overwhelmed or underwhelmed (pick your poison, babe), listen to your body and your mind. They work together. They live in the same skin for a reason.
Rest isn’t failure. Slowing down isn’t laziness. And being real — with yourself most of all — might be the most responsible thing you do all day.